When I first got my diagnosis of ADHD, I felt ashamed and honestly wished that I didn’t have it. I didn’t want to be different. I didn’t want to have an incurable illness. I wanted to be normal and wished my diagnosis would vanish.
But we’re now in December, 4 months from my diagnosis in August and I have a different view of the world and the way I see myself and my ADHD.
I’ve done a lot of thinking and have begun to accept my diagnosis as time goes on. As the medication works, I get proof that I do have ADHD and as I start to learn to control my symptoms, I realise that my life can be normal and more under control.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t imagine a life without my ADHD and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
WHAT? Mel, are you nuts?!
No, I’m not nuts.
I had unmanaged ADHD for 19 years so dysfunctional was my normal. When I started treatment and my symptoms subsided and I was living somewhat normally, it felt really weird and I realised how unbearable my life had been before.
Despite this, I have learnt to love my dysfunctional brain.
ADHD may have completely messed with my life until I started treatment but I’m still alive, I’m still here. I’m in a great position for someone my age. There must be some advantages to it…
You see, I have an eye for detail and in the job I do that’s a very handy skill to have. A lot of my job includes more delicate work or requires accuracy so my eye for detail means that for the most part, I’m bloody good at what I do.
When I’m passionate about something, I am really passionate. This summer, my village faced bus cuts and I campaigned hard to oppose them and we managed to save some of the services.
These are just 2 ways in which ADHD has actually made my life better.
For the most part, ADHD does make my life fairly difficult and I battle daily to control my life but there are undeniable perks to having such a condition. And those perks I have to embrace to feel somewhat better about having an incurable condition.
I can’t imagine my life without ADHD and yes, that’s partially because I’ve suffered my whole life. But it’s shaped who I am and made me fight battles most would never face. It’s made me good at some things and made me have to struggle harder through things that I’m not great at. It’s made me this weird, unique person that is a total individual and stronger than she could ever believe.
It made my life difficult but from that, I’ve grown.
Not everyone can accept their illnesses and learn to love them. That doesn’t make you a failure so don’t ever think that hating your condition when others may be at peace with there’s makes you weird
I hate living on medication that makes me unwell constantly and having ADHD means that trying to treat my depression and anxiety can be harder. But there’s still options and medication isn’t ideal but in the grand scheme of things? There’s worse things I could be taking.
Maybe it’s not ideal that my anger outbursts and insecurities makes me lose friends. But real friends will stick by me rather than leave. That’s not on me.
I can’t say that I love having ADHD but I’m at peace with it and wouldn’t want to live a life in any other way. If you’d asked me if I’d wanted to be rid of this condition 3 months ago, I’d have begged you to take it away. I hated it and I was ashamed.
Learning to come to peace with my diagnosis has made me less self conscious and more ready to help others to help me. A lot of this has come from writing my blog posts as well and helping others accept their condition. Its by no means an ideal condition to live with but it’s made me who I am and for now?
I’m kind of happy with who I am.